December 17, 2017

How Are Kids Affected By Same Sex Marriage?


same sex marriageBy Julie Samrick

Marriage equality is in in the headlines once more because of oral arguments presented before the Supreme Court both for and against striking down California’s Prop 8, which defines marriage as being between a man and a woman.  Regardless of what the Supreme Court rules later this spring, the movement has more support than ever and it looks like same sex marriage will be legal everywhere in America sooner or later.  Regardless of what happens, I hope as a society we don’t stop thinking about how this will affect kids.

 

Supporters of same sex marriage are out in force, reminiscent of past civil rights issues. The symbol for marriage equality (red with two horizontal white strips) has gone viral on Facebook as people’s avatars, and it’s certainly provoked a lot of discussions.  

 

It is nice to see people make a stand- whether for themselves or others.  One lesbian expressed her gratitude, saying, “Seeing the number ‘1000’ written out isn’t as powerful as seeing 1000 pennies. And seeing the HRC symbol on so many Facebook avatars let’s me know others stand with me.”  I am happy for her, and for the millions of other gay and lesbians who probably thought this day would never come.  

 

I do believe being gay is how some people are born, just as being heterosexual is how others are born. It’s always angered me to hear of people hiding in fear or shame, or even being physically hurt or discriminated by others, because of their sexuality.  And government shouldn’t dictate to whom we leave our estates or survivor benefits, etc.

 

Most reasonable people agree that it’s impossible to dictate or regulate love.

 

However…

 

As usual, I go back to kids and their well being when I think about the effects of society’s big issues.

 

If the foundation of marriage is to conjoin with another person and to begin a new family together, that usually means creating children.  And two people of the same gender can’t make a baby- that’s not discrimination, or emotion, but a fact. Now with modern advances in science, many have and will get past the old-fashioned way of making a baby. 

 

Still, society should not discount the importance of a mother AND a father in a child’s life.  I think about how different my children’s lives would be if they didn’t have the influence of their father.  I think about what they’d experience if they didn’t have me around either. The masculine and feminine energies each bring something different, and vitally important, to children.  Do not discount the important roles both fathers and mothers bring to children’s lives.

 

There are people who will still say it’s better to have two loving parents regardless of gender.  That is true, but two loving parents of opposite genders would be even better.

 

Some say there are a lot of single parents out there anyways.  In fact, we are at a turning point in American history when just about more children are born to unwed mothers than to married ones.  Still, parents who are single by choice when they have a baby are the same as parents who choose to have their children miss out on the benefits of having both a mother and a father.

 

This is not discrimination, or fear, or hate. In the end, it’s just not ideal for kids. 

 

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Comments

  1. Ann Van De Water says:

    I understand your point, but don’t think it’s a good enough reason to deny people civil rights, especially as marriage does not equal future children. Plenty of couples do not have children. I also think it’s not too far away from the argument some made regarding bi-racial marriage; that having parents of different races might make some children’s lives more difficult.

    • I see it more as an ethical issue than a legal one. I can understand why all people should have the right to be legally married. I do not equate it as the same as biracial marriages because in those cases procreation can occur. I just do not want society to think all parent situations are equal for children.

  2. I think it would be interesting to see some research on this issue. I do agree that children need a mother and father figure, but from my experience with homosexual couples, usually one is much more feminine and one more masculine.

    • Dana – I hope in your ignorance you arent surprised by my note. What you wrote is so offensive and vile I am shocked that you would think it’s OK to put this in writing. What century are you from? If you think every relationship has to have a man and a woman to survive then you are very disillutioned. Your comments are offensive and archaic. Oh, by the way, the term homosexual went out of fashion 30+ years ago.

  3. So, by your reasoning I guess any traditional marriage where the couple cannot have children should be annulled? What about couples who have no interest in having children? Should they be denied marriage? Of course we know this is silly. Marriage, even traditional marriage is about so much more than children. It’s about love, commitment and trust. Children are a blessing, not a requirement.

    My father died when I was 9 years old. I had so many positive male role models in my life that although I wished my dad were still around, my life was not wanting for male influence. I believe for most gay couples, they understand the need for that balance and make every effort to provide positive role models of both genders. Like any parent, they want to raise healthy, happy well rounded children.

    You claim you are not discriminating, yet you hide your discrimination behind your “what’s best for the children” facade. Shameful…

    • My argument isn’t so much about same sex marriage as it is about honoring the importance of mothers AND fathers. In a society where dads are told more and more they are not needed, and women are raising children alone (which increases the likelihood that kids will live in poverty), I don’t see how anything I said should be seen as “shameful.” By the way, I appreciated your civil argument until you threw that in.

      And where did I say all married couples must have children?

      That’s great you had male role models after your Dad passed away, but I don’t know if that’s the norm. Also, I think by 9 years old you must have had clear memories of your Dad and his influence.

  4. Julie – this is double speak…you can’t hide behind bigotry just by saying it’s not bigotry. Yep, you went the long way around but ended up in the land of bigots. Your position is less overtly bigoted than others but is the same nonetheless – you support marriage equality with a big BUT…like don’t have kids because you can never do as good as two opposite gender parents. Who are you to judge any family? The defenders of Prop 8 have used the same rationale and at least two courts have declined to see that as a credible argument. Here’s what I think: I think you are a bigot, trying hard not to look like one. You have some kind of conditional stuff going on….OK for gays to be married but…don’t have children because you need a mom and a dad. Perhaps you should read all the stories of well adjusted kids who grew up with two moms or two dads. Shame on you to pretend you are focused on kids when you are focused on your own judgement of other people. And shame on you for thinking you could write this piece and by simply saying you aren’t a bigot, expect that people wouldn’t call you out for that. UGH people like you are worse than the overtly bigoted because I think you really think you aren’t a bigot. Go back to focusing on your own kids…your expertise in parenting doesn’t increase with the more you have.

    • Well you sound extremely hateful. Were you raised by both a father and a mother? How would your life be different without one or the other? Save your canned response about gay marriage for an instance that actually warrants it. You’re right- I know I’m not close minded. Whatever happened to civil conversations about current events? Sheesh

      • You got hateful from this? I think that’s a leap. I’m a married gay man who is celebrating 25 years with the love of my life. Your editorial which appeared here and in the Village Life is offensive – mostly because you claim it isn’t yet you suggest that somehow a loving family isn’t enough for a child – that there needs to be a man and a woman. That’s discriminatory and bigotted. So if youi think that i’m hateful because i’ve called you out on your bigottry, then I can only surmise you are close minded as well. This is very personal and I find your collective remarks offensive. Marriage Equality has nothing to do with raising children. It’s about insuring that my husband and I stop being treated as second class citizens. We currently do not have access to over 1,100 rights that you and your husband enjoy. Where’s the parity in that? If you truly beleive in Marriage Equality then you have to believe in full marriage equality – you can’t put a condition on it. So which are you Julie – a full supporter of Marriage Equaility or just another person who wants to be politically sensitive yet doesn’t internalize the acceptance of other family units?

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