August 20, 2017

Girls, Let the Guy Pay!

let the guy payBy Julie Samrick

As my husband and I were on a date recently, I couldn’t help but notice the cute young couple waiting along with us in the restaurant’s lobby.  Their hands clasped together, they looked tenderly into each other’s eyes. Most likely they were students attending the college in the town we were in. I smiled, thinking, Young love… and squeezed my own husband’s hand with fond memories.

 

They happened to be seated near us, and as some nicer restaurants are set up, our tables were in close proximity.  Again, I noted how sweet they were together and impressed that a college boy was taking a girl to a nice restaurant.

 

When our check came, their check soon followed. The young woman picked up their check, to the young man’s protestations. “I want to pay, Priscilla,” he said, voice slightly raised enough for us to hear.

 

He continued to reach for the bill, his smile fading.  She just nodded her head no, rooting through her purse for her wallet.

 

I thought about the rap guys get these days for not being gentlemen.  Why marriage rates have plummeted and having children out of wedlock has risen. In study after study, women say the reason is because good men can’t be found or that men in general can’t be depended upon.

 

“Let him pay!” I yelled telepathically, trying not to stare. “He’s trying to woo you! He’s trying to be a man.”

 

He reached across the table, trying to take the bill yet again, but I could tell it was a losing battle.  Again, she wouldn’t budge. I could literally see him shrink in his seat.

 

I’m not sure what she was thinking, but she made a big mistake.  While first dating, it’s important the man woos the woman, because after kids and real life happens, that’s the foundation married couples hold on to.  Men are intrinsically wired to pursue women. How can they if we don’t let them?

 

Good guys really do want to sacrifice for their ladies yet I often hear that this phase of courtship is dying.  Parents tell me their high school children tell them people are going to formal dances stag in record numbers.  Guys and girls are hooking up with multiple partners and not going steady with anyone. 

 

Witnessing this young couple was a reminder that we shouldn’t be putting all the blame on guys.

 

I will tell my daughters to let their dates pay for them because that is a sign of respect that the boy is showing them. They do not owe the guy a kiss, or anything else. If after several dates they’d like to buy the boy a coffee, or another small token item, to do so. They certainly shouldn’t be paying for the entire bill at a fancy restaurant when they’re in the early phases of dating though!

 

During courtship, good guys want to, and should, pay. By not allowing them to pay their estimation of the girl they are trying to woo diminishes because they are given the message they don’t have to do much to get the girl.  That is one of the problems seen with young people dating today.  Guys don’t deserve the blame.  Girls are allowing it to happen.

 

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Comments

  1. gatitosmommy says:

    Excellent post! From what I’ve seen/experienced in recent years, though, is it’s not limited to today’s younger generation, and is also an issue amongst middle-agers– and a lot of it is related to the subject you said you’d tell your daughters: there are too many who truly believe a girl/woman “owes” them something, and some even go as far as to claim girls/women are ‘gold-diggers’ if they do not get something physical in exchange for paying for a meal! To illustrate how horrible the situation has become, I recently read on a forum where one woman was admonishing another: “Never let a guy pay for a date- or you’re giving away all of your power!” It creeped me out, it really did.

  2. Caroline says:

    Couldn’t agree more! Great article. Women should enjoy being pursued…what’s wrong with that??!

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